Masters of the Universe

by Mike McGranaghan

The 1987 movie version of Masters of the Universe, based on the Mattel toy line, is widely considered one of the more significant pieces of cinematic cheese. Thirty-nine years later, Hollywood has sophisticated special effects technology that couldn’t even be conceived of back then. And yet, despite that technology, the new Masters of the Universe isn’t much of an improvement on its predecessor. I suppose that if He-Man and Skeletor really mean something to you deep down inside, you might derive some joy from the film. If not, be prepared for a long slog through an endless array of pointless fan references.

Adam (Nicholas Galitzine) hails from a far-away planet called Eternia. He was sent to Earth as a child by his royal parents after the evil Skeletor (Jared Leto) launched a coup. Unfortunately, the “sword of power” that could get him back home got lost in the journey. Fifteen years later, Adam finds it and returns to Eternia, which has now been largely decimated. He joins warrior Teela (Camila Mendes) and her father Duncan (Idris Elba) in trying to topple Skeletor. First, though, he must learn to summon the magic ability that allows him to morph into the muscular He-Man.

That sounds silly as I type it, although no sillier than anything in the Star Wars franchise or the MCU. Silly can work. The problem is that Masters of the Universe can’t decide what direction to go in. On one level, the picture takes the characters and the mythos around them very seriously, as though we’re going to get a legitimate fantasy-action adventure. On the other, it leans heavily on overtly silly comedy that undermines any efforts to build suspense. Even Skeletor – who is admittedly a scary-looking villain – is alternately portrayed as a maniacal dictator and a complete buffoon. Action sequences are interrupted by borderline slapstick humor, as if the story is repeatedly nudging us in the ribs so that we know it’s mocking itself.

Aside from that, the movie is just plain boring in stretches. The running time is two hours and twenty minutes, and that’s odd considering there’s barely enough plot to fill up half that length. So many detours are taken, from Duncan’s alcohol problem to the plight of a service robot, that the momentum seriously drags. Pausing to find excuses to bring in popular characters like the green tiger Cringer, who are otherwise irrelevant to the plot, adds to that sluggishness. With some judicious trimming, Masters of the Universe might have been a fun romp, but the interminable length makes it a chore to sit through.

There are a few positives. The visual effects are appealing, especially those centered around Castle Grayskull, Eternia’s version of the White House. I also really liked the performance from Camila Mendes. Whereas Galitzine leans into the broad comedy, she plays everything straight, earning what few laughs there are. Mendes would be great in an Airplane!-style comedy. Skeletor is cool to look at, as well, even if it isn’t clear why Oscar winner Leto was hired to play the character when you can’t tell it’s him.

Masters of the Universe tries to scratch the nostalgia itch for diehard fans while simultaneously attempting to appeal to younger audiences by lampooning an IP that their parent’s dug. As such, the movie is neither fish nor fowl. It’s just an overlong, expensive looking dud.

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